Sunday, July 18, 2010

Trusting in God...

I write this post with a very heavy heart and perhaps for a chance to let some "pain" out. My Dad passed away VERY unexpectedly on July 3. I will share a little of the anguish that we have been coping with.  My daughter was married on June 12 and the next weekend she was on her honeymoon so we went to Colorado for a quick getaway. The next weekend my mom's sister passed away unexpectedly in Missouri as she sat on her porch and had a heart attack at 78. We took my mom who has Alzheimers (as well as her sister that passed away) to the funeral and my sister took my mom home with her to Texas for a visit after the funeral.  My Dad was fine when we left to go to the funeral, but did complain of his back hurting. He has never been in a hospital, never been on a prescription, and I can count the times he has been to the doctor on one hand. He had been diagnosed with Basal Cell skin cancer behind his ear but wanted NO treatment. I told him if his back wasn't better, we would get in to the Dr. when I got back from the funeral. He kissed my mom on her cheek and said he would see her soon. That was on a Tues. I talked to him Tues, Wed and Thurs on the phone. He did not answer the phone on Friday, July 2. My husband and I were not concerned as he was always out and about visiting people, taking popcorn to people, doing a project, redoing a saddle for someone, building a trailer, etc. at 80 years old. Sat. a.m. my family was to leave to go visit my sister in law and family for the 4th (Auntie J) and the van was loaded and ready. I wanted to talk to Dad again before we left.  I called, he didn't answer and at that moment, God spoke to me and whispered somehow that Dad was gone. I knew in my heart but couldn't tell my family.  So I told them to wait and I wanted to go down and see Dad before I left.  When I got there, the house was locked, all vehicles were in the garage and God spoke again in a whisper. I called my husband to come.  We got assistance from 2 wonderful officers who did the very hard job of breaking in (my sister had my key to Mom and Dad's house at the time....God knew I shouldn't go in) and my Dad was found in his bathroom and had suffered a heart attack and passed away immediately. He had two special things beside him on the floor....a metal tin he had made for our daughter, Darb, that they were beginning to collect dimes in and a framed picture of our son winning the state track meet in pole vault. The preacher said at his service that the sun really did rise because of his grandkids and I guess in his eyes it did. This was probably the hardest time I've had, my family had. My children came to Grandma/Grandpa's house and we endured a lot of pain that day. It was hard watching their hearts hurting so bad. My sister and husband and Mom drove home from Texas on July 4 and we had the pain of telling my mom the news. With the Alzheimers, it has been extremely hard to comprehend. Today, she still thinks Dad is late for supper, won't answer the phone, and is staying out too late.  It breaks our hearts. We buried my Dad on Thursday, July 8th. It was a hard day, but a day that honored my Dad with beautiful military honors. Family and friends have been comforting, supportive, loving, caring, and giving.  They have held us up and taken us in to their hearts and got us through this very sad time.  I am overwhelmed by how many flowers/plants, cards, food, calls, and visits we have been showered with. The cards are absolutely beautiful and so meaningful and have given me so much strength. We are touched and grateful for every act of love given to us. And we continue to turn to God for strength and help and guidance to walk us through each day.  I have now experienced faith being the substance of things not seen but the evidence of things hoped for. My family is now the caregiver for my mom as she cannot live alone. It is sad and yet we enjoy our time with her very much. She will soon be going to Texas to visit my sister. We are unsure how long....we now live on a day-to-day basis with my mom,.  My Dad had been the caregiver and was doing a good job of it.  It was hard and tiring and trying and exhausting for him.  He and I talked and understood that Mom's condition would only get worse. My mom has lost her aunt, brother, sister, and now her husband in a little over a year.
Many of you have felt the earthly sting of death so I know you understand. Time really does begin to heal those strong open wounds. Memories seem to help with the hurt and the tears begin to change into a slight smile as you can remember good warm thoughts. My Dad got to watch his beautiful granddaughter get married ... we are so thankful he was there. I personally have not begun to grieve or mourn....my focus has been on my mom.  But God will help with that. I'm waking in the mornings and putting my feet right in God's footsteps whereever he leads me....no questions asked!!! God is perfect and why should I try to figure anything out when it's already done for me?  I listen to his quiet whispers of what to do.
I appreciate you listening to me on this sad note. I had planned to post some pics of a beautiful wedding and will do that soon, but will tend to Mom a  few more days before she goes to my sister. If I may ask, please put Mom in your prayers.  Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
(A huge thank you to my sweet friends that have left me such thoughtful notes...you touched my heart deeply.)

As the funeral service ended that day, a friend was leaving and outside the front doors there lay a shiny dime on the sidewalk. He picked it up and it was given to Darb....I believe in my heart, Dad left it there for her. He was a huge coin collector and this has to be the most special one he ever touched.

Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you....
Psalms 55:22

9 comments:

A Gardner's Cottage said...

Hey Tanya,

What a lovely post. Sounds like your dad was an amazing man! I do have a little something for you, so, when you get the time would you e-mail (rndevault@charter.net). I will be praying for you as well as your sweet family. Take care! and again I am so sorry for your loss.

Nancy

Barbara said...

Oh I am sorry for you loss, and know that your dad has a special place in your heart he always will, praying for you and your dear family in all the recent losses, hugs dear and hope you trust in the lord and lean not on thine own understanding, blessings Barbara

GardenofDaisies said...

I am keeping your whole family in my prayers. Hugs to you.

PBKISSES said...

Love you sister. I know these are both cliches but they are so true...1) "It takes time." And...2) just keep taking "one day at a time". You're doing great. We continue to pray. God is so good.

Carrie of Farming On Faith said...

OH Tanya~
I am so sorry. I have been so behind on blog reading and was concerned because I had not seen a post or heard from you. My heart breaks for you and I am sending a prayer up for your dear mother. I am praying for you and your family for wisdom and strength.
Peace and Blessings~
Carrie

Happy@Home said...

Dear Tanya,
I am so very sorry for your loss. Your dad sounds like a wonderful man. It must have been very difficult to go through this as you were also planning a wedding. I will keep you, your family and your dear mom in my prayers. I lost my mom to Alzheimer's last October and know the sadness of watching your loved one suffer with it. Take care of yourself.
Hugs,
Kim

Dee said...

I have been away from my blog and just now found out about your dads passing. I am so sorry for your loss. May God bless you and your mom and family with peace and joyful memories of your dear dad.Blessings..Dee

teachermomof2 said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Blessings and peace~Lisa

Linda Stubbs said...

Oh Sweet Tanya, I am soo soooo sorry for your loss. I know you all must be hurting so bad. It was wonderful that you had such a sweet relationship with your Daddy, but i think that makes us hurt even more when they are gone. I will hold your Momma in prayer. My momma has Alzheimer's also and my dad died this last March. Hard time. I will going along and think, I need to tell Poppa and then remember he is not there to tell. I just tell Jesus to tell him for me. I will be praying for you also Tanya and your precious girls. May the Lord hold you with His arms so tight at this time.

Blessings and hugs,
Linda